Riding the Storm of an Injury

If you’re a long time exerciser or athlete, then it is likely that you have picked up an injury along the way, and boy will some of you know the frustrations that come with it. Sometimes a niggle only lasts a few days and with some rest, massage, and stretching it goes away and you return to your normal routine – bliss! Unfortunately some injuries return, or as in my case creep up on you and hang around for far longer than welcome! I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed that after a certain age that I don’t bounce back any more. I have to spend a lot more time stretching, strengthening, (but not too much it would seem) doing re-hab, pre-hab, being best friends with the massage gun… roller… massage ball… scraping tool… and the list goes on, all in aid of trying to keep my body in good working order to carry on training and being the best in my chosen sport.

I think this year I was particularly horrible to my body – I don’t like being horrible to anyone, so why would I do it to myself?  I guess I just thought my body should give me more and more… but when you push people to the edge, rarely do they give you more, in-fact they break. If you nurture people and allow them to rest in order to be motivated then they give you more, so why wouldn’t apply this principle to myself? So anyway the outcome of that was I burned myself out and took my body (and mind) to level of exhaustion that it broke on me. I quite simply had to stop and allow my body to relax and the tension leave in its own time.

The warning signs started with nerve pain radiating down my left arm, something I have experienced before in my other arm 10 years ago, but that was a slightly different story. Somehow I thought that continuing to train and build more tension would just make it go away. To be honest I also didn’t want anything to interrupt the race year that I had planned, it was all going so well, I had never been fitter or more motivated and now, even though I was in pain, I was still determined to push through! So, I competed in two rounds of the Euro Tour in Spain, both times while managing constant pain and discomfort in my neck, back and through my left arm. The muscles in my neck and back just so tight that they were pressing on the nerves. I couldn’t sit still because I couldn’t get comfortable. I only found comfort in standing and laying down. After two months of trying to battle through, I finally stopped. I could practically hear my mind and body telling me, but I was in denial and choosing to ignore my gut feeling. If training around a full time physical job isn’t stressful enough, living in constant pain is exhausting as well. The stress I had placed upon myself to be super human both physically and mentally had all caught up with me.

It was the day before the British National Championships, My A race of the year, where I had planned to give my best performance, and had dreamt of winning. Instead I was still at home the night before, on the phone to my massage therapist looking for advice, looking for someone to tell me that I just needed to rest and not compete. I just couldn’t make that decision myself, even though I was at the height of discomfort and in reality I would do more harm than good by competing.

The next day I struggled the entire day, sulking in a mild depression. It was too painful to look at the race results, and felt sick that I had been tagged in instagram posts when I wasn’t there. After that I became a bit quieter online, I hadn’t dropped off the face the Earth intentionally but I guess when you are going through the stages of grief, it is easier to hide away than carry on as normal. I was most certainly bitter that other people got to carry on, I had some depressed days, and also denial that I was injured and I was going to have to make changes. That might all sound a bit dramatic, but the stages of grief can be applied to many situations. In this case grieving the loss of sport as I knew it. I was also grieving the loss of identity, which for me was through fitness and performance. I think many athletes struggle with this when they are injured or retire. Luckily once the dust had settled, I came to remember that there are many more things that define me, and I have many more interests that fill my cup.

The doom and gloom didn’t last too long. I booked regular massages with the lovely Sheree from Poduim Therapies, she’s been treating me for years, and I know she’s amazing at fixing muscles! She then put me in contact with her physio, Viv at The Centre in Cardiff. Between these two wonderful ladies, they saw my injury as a project to bring my worn out body back to full strength and even better than it was. Sheree worked on releasing the tension in my neck and shoulders, which was not a one time fix, but each treatment brought more and more relief. Viv was pretty brutal to be honest, but in the best way, she analysed my posture from head to toe, and it was clear we had to go back to the drawing board. I can’t lie, tears were shed during these sessions, but I did as she said until one day she declared that I could start doing upper body work again and I was over the moon!

The recovery was slow; the discomfort and lack of ability to sit comfortably lingered. My acceptance of needing to stop and focusing on what I could do rather that what I couldn’t was the ultimate game changer. I realised that I could enjoy a rest after a busy day at work – I was even enjoying work more because I didn’t have to do any extra training!

After a couple of weekends SUP surfing – a long awaited return to paddling! I realised I have been feeling different. I feel different in my approach to exercise, I feel different in the way I look; how hold my body and how I want to move it. I feel different mentally from giving myself a break from the punishment of the ‘I should be doing more’ approach. The pain is now a memory, I am comfortable again, I’ve had a slow increase in exercise and it feels good! Most importantly I have a smile on my face! I look in the mirror and realise that my posture looks good too, and the relentless obsessing over my physio exercises has brought balance to my physique. The low moments, the uncertainly and tears have all been worth it, and now tears of joy brim in my eyes because I realise that I am still strong, still fit and in pretty good shape. I have the ability to now become even stronger physically and mentally from overcoming an injury that I believed to be devastating.

In that moment of looking in the mirror, I realise that I appreciate my mind and body so much. I have spent a lot of time apologising to my body for treating it so harshly and asking so much of it without taking the time to look after it properly. That appreciation has come from taking a step back, one that I didn’t want to take, but now I can say hand on heart that I needed it, and I’m honestly grateful for it. Things happen for a reason, I needed the time to re-focus, relax, and have fun.  After a couple of proper fun summer weekends, I feel radiant again. The storm has well and truly passed and the sun is shining on the other side. I see that I may have the ability to come back to my sport faster and stronger than ever, but maybe I want to keep that strength for myself and for whatever I choose next.

I really want to thank Sheree and Viv for helping me fix my body, and giving me confidence that it will all be ok. I also want to thank my friends for just listening when I needed to rant about how much pain I was in! If you’re in a similar situation, I encourage you to reach out for help in fixing your injury, and be kind to yourself, your storm will also pass.